Good afternoon everyone,
About ten days ago a reader asked me to review a bullet hell adult video game called “Captain Firehawk and the Laser Love Situation.” Take note that I wrote “adult video game” which in this case means this game features fully nude characters engaging in coitus to include orgies with alien intersex characters.
In the initial Kickstarter proposal the developers described it as a “… playful shoot ‘em up/strip ‘em up with a deep, engaging storyline and subversive narrative. The player controls protagonist Captain Firehawk as he valiantly battles the invading forces; gigantic sexy women on the warpath! Shooting down their ships and stripping the ‘armor’ off of their massive female pilots, he must fend off each assault in order to return peace to the galaxy.” The developers designed the characters using a 1990s anime aesthetic, as seen below:
The game released on February 9, 2024 on Steam. Captain Firehawk and the Laser Love Situation normally sells for $9.99, but I bought the game plus its 71-page long (inc. covers) PDF artbook for $9.78 in mid-May 2026. Game includes American English, Brazilian Portuguese, French, Latin American Spanish, and Simplified Chinese subtitles plus a censored mode in English. Portland Caviar, a small 2-person team, developed the game. Portland Caviar consists of Lexy Caviar, game designer and coder, and Roxy Caviar, game designer and artist. This was an impressive effort for two people who had never made a game before. They organized a crowdfunding campaign, delivered a competent game, and then responded to feedback by making updates after the initial release!
In the game you pilot a small spaceship with unlimited ammunition fighting a variety of enemy spaceships. Of note, there is a slight wrinkle to the gameplay. The developers described one of the features of this game as “nonpunitive, yet challenging game mechanics” in the Kickstarter proposal. “Nonpunitive” in this case means that no matter how many hits you take you will not die. Instead of death each hit costs you $5 which equates to losing five coins and hits will remove power-ups. You need to avoid hits to satisfy several achievements. Furthermore, it is important to gather a certain amount of coins in order to progress to the next stage. However, to earn one achievement called Smashed you actually must avoid collecting coins.
Basically, you fight a number of enemy waves until you reach the giantess. Once you reach the giantess a few more waves will attack while you try to shoot off all the giantess’s clothes (called “armor” in the Kickstarter proposal). In the midst of destroying the giantess’s attire an enemy boss will arrive with a large health bar on the bottom of the screen. The giantess herself never attacks the player.
You are on an automated path around the giantess so often you have to wait awhile until another piece of apparel is on screen. Additionally, you must be careful not to defeat the boss too soon. If you destroy the boss before the giantess is “ready,” ergo naked, then you will lose! So, while you are waiting for the screen to come back around to eliminate the last few garments you must be careful not to hit the boss. Therefore, defeating the boss too quickly will result in the giantess swallowing the player’s spaceship and uh, expelling them from the rear. (SIDE NOTE: Undoubtedly, some players will appreciate the vore aspect of failure.) Trying not to kill the boss too quickly is a counter-intuitive approach to success and it felt a little tedious to dodge boss attacks without being able to counter-attack.
The plan is to strip giantesses until they are naked then pleasure them until their orgasm shrinks them back to regular size. Alas, the actual process of pleasuring the giantess until she cums was not shown, but instead that mixed-sized hanky-panky happens off-screen. That is until you “Unlock with 100%.” Then you get to see Captain Firehawk work his magic! Although, the sex scene does not play after you complete the chapter. You have to select “Gallery” from the Main Menu then select “Dr. Unit Private Gallery” to see a few minutes of Captain Firehawk pleasing ladies who are much taller than he is. All told there are six giantesses to battle then bed. The regular-sized man, call him a lower-case m, with a giant female, call her an upper-case F, made Fm sex scenes together and watching those was a nice reward. It is important to note that this 100% is misleading. That does not mean collect every coin and destroy every enemy. Instead, per a developer comment in the Steam Community tab, “This percentage is related to how much money you end the stage with; it’s a cumulative number to avoid it becoming too difficult.“
I played this game on a desktop PC running Windows 10. The game is playable using just a keyboard, but I found the best results using a controller. Specifically, I stole a controller from my PS5 and used that with minimal fuss. Additionally, when replaying chapters you can skip dialogue by holding down either the ESC key or the RETURN key.
In the above screenshot the feminine outline on the right displays how much clothing is left on the giantess. Surprisingly, it does not indicate where the remaining garments are located. For example, it could have shown that two bracelets were left and must be destroyed. Instead, the outline gradually turns color from red to green as you destroy clothing.
Regarding the story, at best it was serviceable and at worst it was unnecessarily confusing. For example, Captain Firehawk’s background felt needlessly convoluted. Players learn that Captain Firehawk suffers from memory loss. Emmy called him Captain Flamehawk at one point and this confused him because he was unsure of his own identity. Later on Captain Firehawk meets someone who claims to be his father and furthermore that guy claims that Firehawk is “heir to the supreme throne of Avalon Prime,” but then players learn that the guy was just pretending to be Captain Firehawk’s father to motivate Captain Firehawk to fight another giantess. Maybe all that was supposed to be funny? Did I miss the real explanation for his memory loss?
Overall, I recommend Captain Firehawk and the Laser Love Situation to giantess fans. It is a short game, but worth ten bucks. This shoot ‘em up/strip ‘em up can be beat in an afternoon, but watching the giantess sex scenes is a strong incentive to replay it.
That is it for now folks. Until next time, pilot your spaceships with care and keep growing!
This review was written by SolomonG and is protected under Fair Use copyright law.
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There She Grows 