Good morning everyone,
Today let’s ponder that most vital of all questions: “What if Jon Cryer turned a centerfold into a giantess?” (NOTE: Jon Cryer is famous for playing Alan Harper in the 2003 to 2015 CBS show “Two and a Half Men” and for his breakout role in the 1986 movie “Pretty in Pink.“)
This exceedingly pressing inquiry was actually answered decades ago in a TV show that modern size fans have presumably forgotten. In order to find the answer we so desperately crave, let’s turn back the clock to late September 1986 when “Miscalculation” first aired.
Miscalculation was the second episode of the second season from Steven Spielberg’s Amazing Stories. Amazing Stories ran on NBC for two seasons from late September 1985 until mid-April 1987. It was an anthology of science fiction tales with each episode being a stand-alone, unconnected to the rest.
In Miscalulation, Jon Cryer plays a college student named Phil who was desperate to get a date for Friday night. As is common in romantic comedies, there was already someone, a girl named Angela played by JoAnn Willette, who pines for him. If only our protagonist could see what was right in front of him! Alas, oblivious Phil doesn’t return Angela’s earnest affection. (At least, not initially.)
At school, he spills two chemicals on a magazine during science class and learns to his shock that the concoction can take pictures out of magazines and make them real! The first photo brought to life was a Shar Pei, a dog he gave to his co-ed science partner. Seeing this, Phil races back to his dorm room with those bright blue and pink chemicals and tries to bring several sexy magazine centerfolds into reality.
Phil’s first attempt brings to life Ms. Allure, played by Lana Clarkson. However, he apparently used too much of the neon colored liquids and thus she was larger than normal, like 10 feet tall! This, for some reason, alarms Phil so he tries to flee while the statuesque blonde tells him that she will be his forever if he kisses her. (NOTE: It is at this point where giantess fans will yell “Kiss her you fool!”)
At first, she asks him nicely, but those requests become steadily more fervent. That could be considered unreasonably demanding to be fair, and she was rather pushy to be honest. However, we learn that without a kiss she will literally melt! Thus, her relentless clamoring for a smooch was understandable given that it was a life or death matter! Alas, Phil was closed minded to the possibilities and our poor giantess only had a bit over two minutes of screen time, all of which was filmed in a dark dorm room.
Nonetheless, several miniature props were used to contrast Phil and Ms. Allure’s size difference. Phil throws a bed, a bean bag, a chair, and a hockey stick which looked normal compared to him, but were unusually small when held (then crushed!) by the towering Ms. Allure.
We also got over the shoulders shots, taken from behind Ms. Allure, to help sell the illusion of great height. Plus a smaller-than-normal door for the mini-giantess to bang on while merely asking for a small token of affection. There was no direct physical interaction between the two characters though. She never picked him up.
Unfortunately, Phil never acquiesces and the unappreciated blonde Amazon meets an ignoble end:
Phil then repeats his experiment a few more times and with horrific results when one woman is brought to life as more undead zombie than lively lady, due to not enough chemicals. (SIDE NOTE: God forbid Phil take time to measure the ingredients 🙄 ) In the end, there’s a bit of a twist and Phil winds up with the one person that experienced viewers could have foreseen.
Predictable to be sure, but still this was a fun bit of light sci-fi / fantasy. Obviously, it requires strong suspension of disbelief and it’s best not to think about the existential horror of bringing a seemingly sentient being to life and then casually discarding them. Yet, if you can overlook that and go with the flow then I think you’ll get a kick out of this 80s goodness.
I was going to recommend this at the low price of $1.99 from Amazon Prime. Only to then learn that someone has uploaded it to YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=49LD4XyME_A It would have been recommended for the cost of two bucks, but it’s definitely recommended for the cost of nothing!
That’s it for now folks. Next week will begin with a look back at an adult cartoon from the late 1920s. Until then, keep growing!
This review was written by SolomonG and is protected under Fair Use copyright law.
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