Solomon E Drinks Deeply from Clive Barker’s Books of Blood!

Wake up peasants!

It is time for you to pay tribute to your rightful ruler. It is I, Solomon E, the world’s most diabolical size-fetish reviewer. Once more I have slipped loose from accursed solitary confinement, deep within the Ghost Head Nebula. No jail can restrain the awesomeness of Solomon E’s electrifying evilness forever! Thus, having earned freedom, the time has came to resume my scheme of world domination. Plus this is an opportunity to sample some choice entertainment.

While the pleasures of re-watching a beat-up VHS copy of “Condorman,” the only available tape in jail, cannot be overstated there does exist the appetite for something different.

Now that Solomon G has been tied up and tossed in the basement, let’s look through the size-infused Halloween movies which can be found in his collection.

Perhaps it’s time to watch something from the early career of Saskatchewan’s greatest comedic actor? Obviously, that is referring to Canadian performer Leslie Nielsen, who starred in dramatic cinema like “The Poseidon Adventure,” but is likely best known for zany spoofs like “Airplane!”, “Police Squad,” and “The Naked Gun.” I do enjoy the following screenshot taken from his Shakespeare-inspired production, “Forbidden Giantess,” which gave birth to Robby the Robot and examined “monsters from the id.” It is not difficult to understand what hidden fetish was tucked away deep within the mind of Dr. Morbius.

Or maybe a more modern science fiction classic? Something concerning a military experiment gone awry, which creates unforeseen results? Potentially, a production starring that underappreciated Brooklyn-born actor Michael Paré would be interesting. A production focused on a classified incident which created a giantess who frightens small-minded fools, but delights connoisseurs such as myself.

Alternatively, there’s also “Biggening of the End” from 1957. Sure, the special effects, to use the term broadly, were notoriously bad. Visual trickery consisted of using postcards instead of chroma-keying or elaborate practical sets. Still, the absurdly low-budget horror has a special place in my heart. That is it would have, if I had a heart!

Or I could watch SolomonG’s copy of “Gigantic Shop of Horrors.” Never seen this particular version of that vore-rific film! This looks much more appealing to my tastes than the original directed by Roger Corman or the remake featuring Rick Moranis and Steve Martin. (NOTE: Although, the Dentist Song performed by Steve Martin is hilarious!)

Naw, my ears yearn for some Scandinavian screams. “Let the Big One In” sounds promising.

But do I really want vertically enhanced Swedish vampires? Perhaps a 17th century frontier tale would better scratch the itch. The sight of the beauty on the poster below compels me to say in the Puritan dialect “Such a quaint giant mistress; one can not holp but admireth h’r.” Still, that strange goat Black Philip looks more than a little suspicious.

No, more in the mood for a written tale. Something dark and gory; yet, almost plausible. Something deliciously devious from Clive Barker’s Books of Blood should fit the bill.

Clive Barker is a legend in the horror community. Famous for his creation of the “Hellraiser” cinematic series, and for his efforts as a novelist, playwright, and author. Some of my favorite monster movies were written by him, including the original “Candyman” and “Nightbreed.” (NOTE: Nightbreed is not scary and far from perfect, but still has a special place in the part of my body where a heart would be.)

His career began with stage plays and then transitioned to short stories. Several of these short stories were bound together under the title “The Books of Blood.” This compilation was first released in 1984, early in Barker’s career. Yes, “In the Hills, the Cities” from Books of Blood will suit my hunger.

This is a difficult topic to cover. Firstly, do not look up In the Hills, the Cities on Wikipedia or search online for a description of its plot. If at all possible, try to read this without spoilers. Unlike other entries in The Books of Blood, such as “The Midnight Meat Train,” In the Hills, the Cities has not been adopted as a film. That plus the fact that it was first published in the mid-1980s leads me to believe that most readers have never heard of it. That’s good, the reading experience will be better without any foreknowledge. Therefore, this description will be noticeably nondescript and vague.

However, there are a few points to cover. One, this is not for the squeamish. That’s perhaps obvious given that it’s horror, but there are different types. Some end on triumphant notes in which the heroes decisively defeat or kill the monster. Examples include creature features like 1990’s “Tremors.” Then there are bleaker examples like Stephen King’s 2007 film “The Mist.” The tone of today’s subject leans more toward The Mist than Tremors.

Regarding the theme of size, this takes a unique approach in order to create giant characters. There are giants, of a sort, in this chilling story and they do become violent. Don’t want to say anything more about the nature of the oversized assailants. Only that they were unique, and potentially could be made in real life.

Other noteworthy aspects were that the main characters were a gay American couple, dance teacher Mick and right-leaning journalist Judd, on honeymoon in Yugoslavia. (SIDE NOTE: The trip took place several years before the Yugoslav Wars broke the country apart during the early 1990s.) The narrative expresses their lovemaking in poetic terms, describing the intertwining of their bodies during intercourse as “… a knot only orgasm could untie …” The homosexual married couple were portrayed realistically. (NOTE: Clive Barker himself has identified as homosexual.) Their relationship wasn’t perfect and their interests and political views diverged significantly. Nonetheless, the mutual affection was unambiguous. It was daring to put a pair of married men in love at the center of the plot. That may explain why this was never made into a film particularly since the 1980s would not have been a welcome time for such a production.

This was published during the 1980s, decades before same-sex marriage was legalized in the entire United States as a result of the Obergefell v. Hodges Supreme Court case decided in late June 2015. One would think that in 2022 the right to marry is now a settled matter, and in my opinion it should be. The religious views of government officials has no role in deciding whether or not consenting adults can marry. Everyone is free to decide how to conduct their lives in accordance with their spiritual beliefs or in the absence of supernatural perspectives. However, no one has the right to impose the principles of their religion onto others.

However, Justice Clarence Thomas recently urged the Supreme Court to revisit the case which granted universal marriage rights to Americans. That was stated in the concurring opinion from Thomas in the Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization decision, which removed federally guaranteed access to abortion and overturned Roe v. Wade.

Of note, the Supreme Court previously ruled, in Loving v. Virginia, that the 14th Amendment protected the right of interracial marriage. Strange how Thomas did not note that the very same 14th Amendment protections to marry that he is trying to take away from LGBTQ Americans also provide the right to marry someone of a different race. Which is something that Thomas himself has done; he is black, but his wife is white. Weird that he didn’t list Loving as a case which should be revisited, but he did include Obergefell. Apparently, Justice Thomas is okay with taking away other people’s rights, but won’t mess with rights that he enjoys. American voters should choose leaders who will protect human rights.

Furthermore, Japan should follow suit and grant same-sex marriage rights to its own citizens. A 2019 article in the New York Times discussed several Japanese same-sex couples who wanted to marry, but could not. Furthermore, a poll from a few years ago found that over 70% of Japanese people approve of same-sex marriage. That data was taken from an October 2018 survey by Dentsu, which can be found here at the Wayback Machine. In the New York Times article, one Japanese man expressed his desire to marry his partner before he dies. Love is love; let the man marry who he wants! All that was to say voters should support same-sex marriage.

Clive Barker was bold to present gay men in a committed romantic relationship like heterosexuals. However, do remember the bit earlier in which this was not recommended for the squeamish. Again, I will not give spoilers, but a happy ending is not guaranteed.

In the Hills, the Cities gets five stomping feet out of five.

That’s it for today peasants. Until next time, keep screaming!

This review was written by Solomon E and is protected under Fair Use copyright law.

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