We can grow if we want to
We can leave your friends behind
‘Cause your friends don’t grow and if
they don’t grow,
Well, they’re no friends of mine!
The above lyrics were taken from “The Safety Dance” and given a minor tweak 😎 In 1982, the song “The Safety Dance” was released by the Canadian band “Men Without Hats.” Of course, it did not actually reference growing, but works well enough with that slight change 😉 Writer and lead singer Ivan Doroschuk stated that the Safety Dance was a response to club bouncers preventing people from doing dances such as “pogoing.” Pogoing involved folks jumping up and down in place; ergo, like a pogo stick. Some worried that bystanders might get hurt and accordingly it was banned in some establishments. Ivan thought that the bouncers should just let people dance and thus wrote the song. Ergo, “We can dance if we want to!”
(NOTE: The Safety Dance is a catchy tune by the by. I recommend a listen.)
If you were alive back in the 80s then you could have listen to The Safety Dance on the radio while watching the following two videos on your VCR. Just as the Safety Dance advocated for freedom of expression, these videos promoted size themes, in their own fashions.
I call them mainstream because they were not solely focused on size themes. Although neither were widely-seen, they were intended for broader audiences than just those people who like growing breasts and giant people! Nonetheless, they included transformations of interest to us fans of size changing 🙂
Let’s start with “An Evening with Kitten,” which was released in 1985. It’s a 30-minute R-rated video starring Kitten Natividad (born Francesca Isabel Natividad). I’ve been a fan of Kitten for a long time and here she has both a breast-expansion (B.E.) and a giantess scene!
Kitten Natividad was born in Ciudad Juárez, Mexico, and moved to Texas in 1958 when her mother married an American. After graduating high school in El Paso, Kitten moved to California and eventually became a go-go dancer. An agent had recommended that she get breast implants so she did so down in Tijuana. Afterward, a fellow dancer introduced Kitten to Russ Meyer, a producer known for films featuring big-breasted women and social satire. Kitten appeared in two of his films, “Up!” and “Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens.” (SIDE NOTE: Beneath the Valley of the Ultra-Vixens was co-written by film critic Roger Ebert!) Kitten Natividad and Russ Meyer lived together for many years, and Russ even paid for a second breast enlargement surgery.
Kitten also had small roles in several other films. For instance, she had a bit, albeit uncredited, in “Airplane II: The Sequel.”
One of my favorite aspects of Kitten’s performances is that she is in charge of her sexuality. She doesn’t meekly wait for others to approach; instead, she actively seeks potential lovers. For example, in another film entitled “Takin’ it Off” there’s a scene in which Kitten approached a man selling produce and in short order proceeds to give him a hand job! (NOTE: That sexual act was heavily implied, but took place out of frame.)
Further, she turns the tables on those who might try to shock her. For example, one man exposes himself to Kitten in public. However, to his dismay, Kitten is unperturbed and sics her German Shepherd on him!
An Evening with Kitten begins with our protagonist dressed as a cat while the initial credits roll. Afterward, she appears as a homeless person who finds a discarded bottle of “Incredible Bulk Formula.” The act of drinking its contents results in a B.E. scene in which Kitten bursts out of her attire.
Kitten finds work as a burlesque dancer, presumably due to her enhanced figure. The rest of the runtime she performs routines while patrons imagine her as a giantess (competing in a “Miss Universe” pageant and wearing a Brown Derby restaurant as a hat), as a helpless maiden tied to a railroad track, as a vampire’s victim, as a mermaid, etc. etc.
Alas, Kitten only goes topless and never removes her panties. Further, this is a strip show not a porno. So, there are no explicit sex scenes.
All that said, I recommend An Evening with Kitten, with the caveat that it is not easy to find. Unfortunately, there are no high-definition versions. All I could find were VHS tapes. (NOTE: If someone knows where I could find a higher resolution copy, please send me a note!)
Moving on, let’s examine a 1982 sex comedy called “Homework.”
Right off the bat, the poster reminded me of a more famous film featuring an older woman seducing a younger man, 1967’s “The Graduate.” Homework was released 15 years later, so it’s not fair to call it a rip-off. (NOTE: Alternatively, it could have been a very poorly timed rip-off! ) 😉
This had a problematic production. The Los Angeles Herald-Examiner newspaper reported that Joan Collins sued to remove her name from the credits! She was joined by a few other actors. Obviously, that effort was unsuccessful, but Joan received an undisclosed settlement.
I was a young lad at the time and familiar with other 1982 films such as “E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial,” “Porky’s,” and “Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan.” (SIDE NOTE: I’ll have to discuss a scene from “Porky’s II: The Next Day” at a later date) 😉 However, I’d never heard of Homework, despite my familiarity with cinema from this era. Further, Homework is difficult to acquire these days. It’s absent from streaming services and getting a DVD copy took me awhile.
So why even bother with this forgotten 90-minute film? Because of a B.E. sequence which circulated around the nascent Internet during the 1990s.
I’ve listened to it several times; initially, only the audio was available. Years later, I saw a low-resolution clip. However, I’d never seen the film in its entirety. Before I could discuss Homework, I had to watch the entire thing.
While viewing this low-quality production I quickly discovered that the famous scene occurs early on in the film, just after the 10-minute mark. Tommy, the main character, is discussing his struggles with virginity and day dreams of lying in a hospital room while two nurses prepare him for “shock therapy.” Apparently, Tommy believes he needs medication or shock therapy to cure him. (NOTE: As opposed to just having sex?)
While prepping him for the procedure a buxom nurse comments that her chest has recently been increasing in size.
The other nurse asks what has she been eating to which the blonde replies “Just yogurt and dairy products.” “No wonder!” is the co-worker’s reply.
That sound bite likely sounds quite unremarkable to younger fans. However, it was ground breaking at the time! Alas, it was just a dream and those two nurses were not seen again.
Ostensibly, Tommy’s quest to lose his virginity is the main plot, but it doesn’t feel that way. At the half-hour mark, Tommy has no plan to have sex. Eventually, after an hour in, he sleeps with his girlfriend’s mother, named Diana, on a pool table. He did not take any steps to cause this. He did not lose his virginity and achieve that goal because of deliberate planning and action, while coping with significant setbacks. Instead, he lost his virginity because he helped Diana hang a picture and she thought his butt looked sexy while he stood on the ladder. Furthermore, Diana appeared to be happily married and also did not take any specific action beforehand to seduce Tommy.
Such things happen in real life. People meet and suddenly decide they want to have sex. That happens. However, it doesn’t make for a strong narrative conclusion. Like if 2018’s “Avengers: Infinity War” ended with Thanos dying of a heart attack before he could snap his fingers, 1989’s “Batman” finished with an unnamed police officer arresting the Joker during a routine traffic stop, 1977’s “Star Wars” concluded with the Death Star exploding on its own due to a subcontractor using faulty materials, etc.
Unfortunately, Homework is not an enjoyable watch. The humor was nonexistent and it featured loosely connected scenes instead of a cohesive story.
Tommy’s status as a virgin was not disruptive. He functioned fine just as he was. Although, his grades were suffering and he was told that he might have to attend summer school. Which, I get it, no kid wants to go to summer school, but it does not sound all that horrible. Additionally, we see no sign of Tommy studying more or exerting effort to prevent that “calamity.” Tommy is handsome and reasonably well-adjusted. It does not seem inconceivable that, during the normal passage of time, a lady would someday choose to engage in intercourse with Tommy.
Reportedly, the scenes with Joan Collins were originally shot in 1979 and then the producers dusted off that old footage in the 1980s after Joan became famous for her role in the TV soap opera “Dynasty.” They cobbled together a movie to profit from her new popularity.
(NOTE: IMDB stated that the successes of similar-themed films “My Tutor” and “Private Lessons” also spurred this production. However, Homework was released in August 1982 while My Tutor was released in April 1983. So, how did My Tutor influence Homework, if Homework came first?)
While this is a bad movie, it provides some value by unwittingly portraying social issues. For example, at one point a White girl, Lisa, chastises her African American friend, Cookie, for not knowing how to swim. Presumably, neither the actress playing Lisa or the screenwriter considered that African Americans were often denied access to swimming pools and thus did not have opportunities to learn how to swim. It was painful to see a Black girl criticized for something that was probably outside her control, but was instead the result of an unjust society.
Additionally, Tommy refers to himself as a “faggot” when a prostitute tries to talk to him So, yeah, this also testifies to the negative representation of homosexuals at the time.
Bottom line, check out An Evening with Kitten, but don’t bother with Homework. Homework’s implied B.E. scene was the only worthwhile bit for size fans.
Well, that’s it for this trip to the past. Until next time my friends, keep growing!
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