Wake up fools!
It’s time to discuss two new giantess (GTS) sequels, both of which were just released by Full Moon Features in October. Today I’ll review “Giantess Battle Attack,” the sequel to “Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl,” and “Giantess vs. Mecha-Fembot,” the sequel to “Giantess Attack.” (NOTE: Sometimes there’s a hyphen between “Mecha” and “Fembot,” other times there isn’t. The official Facebook page lists it both ways.)
My arch-nemesis SolomonG already reviewed Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl, click here for that review, in May of this year and Giantess Attack, click here for that, in January 2019. Three of those can be watched with a subscription to the Full Moon Features web site. Customers have to go somewhere else, like Amazon, to see the original Giantess Attack.
First, let’s examine Giantess Battle Attack. This 60-minute long production was directed by Jim Wynorski and written by Kent Roudebush. It was made over the span of just a few months. Attack of the 50 Foot Camgirl was released in the spring while this second movie was released in the fall. It’s short at only one hour in length, including an ad in the beginning. Further padding the runtime were multiple flashbacks and reused footage.
The action begins on planet Buxomus with a battle between two GTS, Spa-Zor and Metaluna. (NOTE: It was a weird move to give unrelated characters in two different Full Moon films the same name, Metaluna.)
Spa-Zor desires a worthy combatant. So, her Queen (or Empress) sends Spa-Zor (whose name will later be misheard as “Space Whore” 😉 ) to Earth to battle GTS Beverly Wood. Granted, Beverly was a camgirl, not a trained fighter, but details, schmetails! The idea is to broadcast the fight in order to boost morale on Buxomus, somehow.
Meanwhile, Beverly has found employment, and love, working at the Sugar Hills Quarry:
Using a giant woman in construction was a good idea. Furthermore, her glitter helmet was cute. As mentioned, Beverly also found romance at the job site. She became involved with foreman Mike, played by Brian Gross:
Viewers learn that two of the scientists from the first movie are still researching the miracle food that caused her to grow, Beverly Wood’s Unholy Meatromony, and they are trying to return Beverly to normal. Fuschia and Gary (giants in the first installment) previously returned to normal off-screen, and subsequently ran off together to Hawaii.
The scientists leave Beverly and Mike alone for some quality time:
As one might expect, most of the humor did not land. Nonetheless, credit where credit is due, there was a joke about the subscription service OnlyFans which worked. Two women arrive at the quarry and Beverly says “Hey, it’s my only fans!” That made me chuckle.
Alas, most of the time the gags fell flat including one in which Dr. Lana Rhodes, the female scientist, said “Hashtag Here We Go Again.” Unfortunately, the actual symbol shown on screen was an At sign @ not a hashtag. A hashtag looks like this # and is also called the number sign or pound symbol. (Click here to learn more about the hashtag.)
There was also random nudity. Beverly kept her clothes on in the previous love-making scene. Yet, she pulled her top down the following day after the two fans gave her a spa day treatment. Topless nudity was the extent of the risque content.
Then a promoter arrives in order to convince Beverly to fight someone. Take notice, this is separate from the alien Spa-Zor coming to Earth to battle Beverly. I guess they wanted three giantesses, but this seemed a little unnecessary. I’m all for multiple giantesses, but we already had one fight planned. Why did we need two? (NOTE: Don’t get your hopes up growth fans, there were no growth sequences 😥 )
The fight didn’t seem necessary to make money. Why not just take photos of her? I’m willing to bet that photos of the world’s tallest woman, 40+ feet bigger than any other person, would garner lots of attention and money.
A low-stakes battle, dubbed “War of the Girlgantuas,” finishes the film. It involved several cut away shots and time spent on bystanders reactions instead of the actual battle.
Next, let’s analyze Giantess Attack vs. Mecha-Fembot. (NOTE: A trailer was posted three years ago at Vimeo.) According to IMDb, this was released in 2019, but that was only a festival showing and not a widely available public release.
The world premiere was at San Francisco’s “Another Hole in the Head” film festival where it won “Best Science Fiction Feature Film.” I wonder what the competition was? A 10-minute documentary about its festival appearance is on Vimeo.
Of interest, director Jeff Leroy posted a Giantess Attack Kong/Godzilla Parody Trailer on YouTube on March 8th, 2021, which consisted of short snippets taken from Legendary Entertainment’s Godzilla movie along with original footage made by Mr. Leroy. That original footage included a giant-sized Valkyrie fighting a monster. Furthermore, he also posted about the Valkyrie on the official Giantess Attack vs. Mecha Fembot Facebook page. Alas, the giantess Valkyrie was not actually included. Furthermore, the Facebook posts about the Valkyrie have since been deleted. My gratitude to Giantess City member Soviet Hybrid for sharing the posts, seen below, and thus saving them for posterity:
Additionally, the original Giantess Attack ended with a fun scene of a giantess Metaluna attacking a ship. Yet, that was never referenced in the sequel and the Metaluna was only human-sized. Apparently, it’s best if fans pretend that the ship attack never happened If you thought the GTS Metaluna or GTS Valkyrie were cool then tough luck pal because they aren’t in this movie.
Now that we’ve discussed what isn’t in this, let’s discuss what is.
The main characters are Diedre and Frida, played by Tasha Tacosa and Rachel Riley. Diedre has lost the dildo-like device that enabled her to grow to GTS dimensions. The Metaluna twins originally provided two magic dildos, err I mean “BetaMax Capsules,” to the former TV actresses. This was done in the first movie to give the duo super powers in order to rid Earth of evil doers and thus prevent the United Federation of Planetoids from destroying Earth. The United Federation of Planetoids was apparently forgotten in this second movie because they weren’t mentioned. Additionally, the ladies previously set fire (!) to the Metaluna twins and only one survived. The sole remaining Metaluna serves as the antagonist.
Upset at losing her size-changing ability, and feeling remorse about the destruction she caused, Diedre retreats to her Fortress of Immeasurable Guilt located on top of a cliff. Must be nice to have such a place and to be able to live comfortably, to include having lots of booze and watching TV, without having to work for a living. Frida tries to cheer-up her friend, but Diedre chose to remain in isolation.
Meanwhile, Metaluna shrinks a scientist along with his unfortunate companion. The companion, a Hooters girl, is subsequently brutally attacked by a dog. Presumably, she was killed. Her death wasn’t shown graphically, but the bone-crushing bite sounds were unexpectedly horrific. The scientist was then kidnapped and compelled to create the Mecha-Fembot. The remaining plot centers on the eventual rampage of Mecha-Fembot and the efforts of Diedre and Frida to stop the gigantic android.
In just one of many puzzling decisions made throughout this picture, Metaluna never restored the scientist to normal size. Therefore, a minuscule man had to build a 100-foot tall robot. That’s a challenging task for even a normal-sized man, much less one who was around six inches tall. It would be like kidnapping a mechanic to fix your car, but shrinking the mechanic down to only a few inches in height. A tiny mechanic is going to have a difficult time carrying heavy parts, reading gauges, using normal-sized tools like wire cutters, etc.
Additionally, Jimmy Blowfeld, casting agent and brother to Joel Blowfeld who was swallowed in the first movie, was inadvertently shrunk. An actresses tortures (meaning kisses) the tiny fellow until he agrees to hire her and another performer. But there were two issues with that. One, how could he do his job as a casting agent when he was super small? It’s hard to type on a computer or use a telephone when you’re tiny. Two, he was already inclined to hire them until they started fighting each other. So, it was unnecessary to force him.
Other inexplicable production choices included an actress referring to Netflix by name in the casting agent scene, but then the following scene has a guy handing out flyers for a new show on “Nettrax” from the producers of “Stranger Tales.” Presumably, the director didn’t want to use the actual name of the real streaming site Netflix or the real series “Stranger Things.” An actress just used the name Netflix. So, why bothering coming up with a fake name, when you already used the real one?
Also, the general who the giantesses abused in the first movie calls himself General Smedley Kilgore Butler III in this movie, but in the first movie he was General Smedley Pittsburgh. Was this a continuity error? Alternatively, was it a joke because he was pissed on in the first movie, and piss sounds a little like Pittsburgh?
You might say “Continuity and logic aren’t required in comedies!” to which I would reply “But this wasn’t funny.” There were attempts at humor, but not enough. Porn parody titles were given such as “Game of Bones: Winter is Cuming All Over Your Face” and “Last Whore House on the Left.” Metaluna also sang like the twin fairies in Toho films sang to Mothra. Those attempts might get a laugh.
During the finale it appeared the creators didn’t know how to wrap things up. The threat was defeated, and the movie could have ended there. Instead, the two GTS were forced to do community service and soon returned to fighting each other. Then things really go off the rails with a battle at a Space Force moon base which came out of nowhere, but made as much sense as everything else, which is to say it made no sense at all. “Giantess Attack In Space” may be released at some point, maybe soon or maybe in several years. Who’s to say?
Overall, this low-budget film was boring. The sex scenes between tiny men and regular women was appreciated, but they were tame and uninteresting. Fight scenes were also lackluster and devoid of consequences. Instead, my mind drifted and thoughts turned to “Did I remember to unload the dishwasher?” and “Should I take my Halloween costume to the dry cleaner?“
In summation, Giantess Battle Attack and Giantess vs. Mecha Fembot are only worth watching for the fans which must see everything that has a giantess. That said, I was able to join Full Moon Features for only $6.99, the price of a monthly subscription. Full Moon Streaming also hosts enjoyable B-movie horror and sci-fi films such as 1989’s “Puppet Master,” 1991’s “Subspecies,” 1993’s “Robot Wars,” etc. Plus, they have 1991’s “Dollman” which was mediocre, but did feature a 12-inch-tall alien cop.
So, if like me, you enjoy giantesses and horror, then I recommend a one-month membership. The ability to watch all of those aforementioned films for only seven bucks is a worthwhile deal. See the size-themed flicks and then check out the higher quality horror that Full Moon produced in their heyday. Just don’t forget to cancel the reoccurring monthly charge! A month should be more than enough time.
That’s it for now peasants. Until next time, keep screaming!
This review was written by Solomon E and is protected under Fair Use copyright law.
All Rights Reserved.